Mantras aren’t always about religion or spiritual beliefs - they’re tools for learning. You can use them to build self-confidence, reduce stress, and to create an “attitude of gratitude” - a more positive outlook on life.
One of the definitions of "mantra," according to Oxford Languages, is a statement or slogan repeated frequently.
Why is repetition important? Because it's a key part of learning. It also creates an easy way to remember tools to help us get through the day (a huge bonus during a divorce!). When we use a life mantra, we’re sending a message to our subconscious, retraining it to think in a more positive way, instead of falling back onto old messages and emotional habits that are negative or unhealthy.
Have you ever listened to the little voice in your head? You know it - it’s the one that tells you, “You sure messed that up,” or, “He really hates you,” or, “I’ll never be good enough!” That “devil on your shoulder” is your subconscious telling you what you really believe about yourself, life, and others. We can change that self-talk, and improve not only our outlook on life, but also our self-confidence and our relationships by creating positive life mantras.
What we send out into the world determines what we get back. If the face we show the world is positive, grateful, content, and self-confident, those traits will be familiar to the kind of people we want to attract into our lives. If we’re desperate, needy, negative, and feel worthless, we’ll end up with psychic vampires and bullies buzzing around us.
Here are some life mantras you can start using right now to ease the pain and distress that tends to take over, keeping you from being effective:
“Something good about right now is…” Have you ever been accused of being negative? Maybe you feel like all you do is complain. This life mantra is great for teaching our subconscious to be positive and grateful. Maybe the good thing about this moment is that the socks you’re wearing are really comfortable. Maybe it’s that you finally have a minute to relax. It could be that you’ve barely managed to survive a horrific day. But there is always something. Seek it out. Focus on it.
“I’m amazing because…” This one is awesome for building self-confidence and self-esteem. You might be amazing because you remembered to stop for toilet paper on the way home. Maybe you’re amazing because you got the kids off this morning on time. Or are you amazing because you made yourself a healthy lunch? Find all the little things you do every day and tell yourself how amazing you are for doing them!
“I’m allowed to do this.” How often do we feel like we’re not allowed to do anything for ourselves? All day long we do things to take care of what the boss needs, what the kids need, what our friends need, and what our parents need. You are allowed to make the time to do something for you. A corollary is, "I'm allowed to feel this way" when we're feeling tired, sad, angry, or irritated. (Hint: To learn how to keep those emotions from running your life, read the blog post here: www.thequietzonecoaching.com/anger )
“This isn’t true because…” Earlier we talked about that running dialogue in our head. Sometimes it tells us stuff that isn’t true. It may try to convince us that we’re not worthy. It may make us feel stupid, inadequate, or not deserving. It might try to convince us that life is out to get us, or that life has to be hard. Use this mantra along with examples that prove the subconscious voice wrong. “This isn’t true because someone who is worthless wouldn’t have a job or great kids.” “This isn’t true because I deserve this promotion. I work hard, and I’m good at what I do.”
“THAT was easy!” This one is the most fun. How many times during our day do we dread doing things because they seem overwhelming? How often do we avoid things that we think are going to be uncomfortable, like sitting across from the ex at the negotiating table or digging up documents for your attorney? To use this mantra, break up large, overwhelming goals into small, bite-sized steps. Make a plan for dealing with big honkin' problems, like taking a half an hour every evening to get those documents, or creating a list of what you want (and prioritizing it) for the negotiating table. Every time you accomplish one of those bite-sized steps, tell yourself, “THAT was easy!” Pat yourself on the back, give yourself a big round of applause, and say, “I’m amazing for getting that done!”
“Something I learned from this is…” There are going to be times when life stinks. Bad things happen. They just do. We can focus on the lessons we’ve learned, though, instead of the pain, anxiety, hurt, and irritation.
“The energy I’m sending into the Universe today is…” This is another great way to help turn a bad attitude into a good one. What is the energy you want to send into the Universe today? Happiness? Patience? Joy? Calm? Pick one, and use the mantra to give that healing energy to everyone you come into contact with - including yourself!
“How important is this, really?” So often we assign too much importance to things that aren’t important. So you said something dumb, or you're super upset at something the ex said, and you don't think it's right. Let me ask you this: Will you remember it in 5 months? In a year? Will it affect the weather on Jupiter? Does it affect who you really are? Which leads us to the next Mantra…
“What is something positive and constructive I can do about this?” What can you do to fix this situation? What could you do to make sure it doesn’t happen again? Be solution oriented and positive with your response. When we focus on solving problems instead of dwelling on the negatives, we send out messages of calm and positivity.
“The person I WANT to be would do this...” Tell me: What kind of person do you want to be? Kind? Calm? Responsible? Able to handle all the crap that flies your way? When you’re faced with dilemmas over what you should do or say (in any situation, not just divorce!) you can use this mantra to make sure you’re being true to your values, and being the best version of you that you can be!
“Here’s how I want to feel at the end of the day.” Do you want to be angry, or pleased that you had self control? Do you want to feel sad, or happy that you knew something wasn’t really that important? Do you want to feel proud that you took the high road and didn’t get into an argument? Do you want to ruin the rest of your day, or use this event as a springboard to feel peaceful?
This is only one step you can take to deal with the emotional blender that is divorce. To learn the top 3 things that are keeping you from finding that perfect partner, and the #1 thing you can do to attract him/her, grab my Perfect Partner Assessment. It's my gift to you - no strings attached. But don't wait, since there are only a few available each week!
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