A lot of what we believe, deep down, about what relationships should look like comes from watching our parents.
When I was a kid, I thought that my family was pretty normal for the time. My dad worked, my mom stayed at home. But my mom was deeply depressed, and my dad was anxious. They didn’t really fight; but my mom was constantly angry at my dad, and I didn’t understand why. At the time, I swore I would never treat my husband the way my mom treated my dad.
So I went the complete opposite way, and became a “people pleaser.” Between my poor self-esteem and my desire to be the opposite of my mother, I ended up having codependent relationships, and let others take advantage of me It took years before I understood the role my parents had in my own failed relationships.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself about how your parents interacted. See how the answers point to issues in your own relationships!
How did your parents treat each other? With kindness and respect, dismissively, or with anger?
Were your parents equal partners in the relationship, or was one "the boss"?
How did your parents resolve conflict? Discussions, screaming, or by ignoring each other?
We learn how to behave in a relationship by observing how our parents interact.
As children, we don’t know that relationships can be different - what we observe is what we accept as being “truth.” It’s all we know.
Some of us may have absent parents. If your father was absent, for example, you may not be clear on exactly what you feel the role of a man in a relationship should be.
What did you learn from your parents about relationships? What similarities (or extreme opposites) can you see in your parents' relationship, and your own? And how can you change unhealthy patterns so you can attract the ideal partner for you, and have a healthy relationship, for a change?
It can be done! Everyone has different experiences; let's get you set up with a Perfect Partner Assessment. We'll identify the top 3 things that are sabotaging you (including stuff you've learned from your parents), and the #1 thing you can do to find your ideal partner. Click here to get yours: https://TheQuietZoneCalendar.as.me/
Until next time!
Warm wishes, cookies, and coffee!
Susan