You’ve heard the saying, “He who doesn’t learn from the past is doomed to repeat it.” I want to add something to that: “Those who don’t heal from past relationship wounds are doomed to repeat their failures.”
It’s easier said than done, isn’t it? Our relationships are more emotionally charged than other aspects of our lives. Sometimes we question our own self-worth when relationships fail! How can we do this?
Step One: Create the story of your relationship.
Rarely are failed relationships entirely bad from start to finish! Write down the story of when you met, your dating life, when you got married (if you did), the high spots and the low spots, when you started to see things going bad, and how it ended. It’s good to go into detail, and to include as many of the most memorable and emotional moments as you can.
Step Two: Recognize the mistakes you made.
Write down the mistakes you made. The failure of a relationship involves mistakes both parties made. Acknowledge yours. Write an apology for them (even if you don’t really feel sorry about them).
Step Three: Forgive the other person for the mistakes they made.
I know, I know, the last thing you want to do is forgive them for all the wretched things they did to you. But if you don’t forgive, you won’t be able to move forward. Write down all the things you can offer forgiveness for (even if you really don’t feel it).
Step Four: Thank the other person for all the wonderful things they did do.
Again, relationships are rarely bad from start to finish, and partners are rarely completely evil. What are some of the wonderful things they did? Did you get flowers for your birthday? Did they take care of the kids when you had the flu? Maybe you got a foot rub after a hard day of work. Write down your thanks for all the good stuff they did.
Step Five: Close the book.
Imagine the story of this relationship as written down in a book, and now “The End” has come, and the book is closed. You might want to shred or burn all the things you’ve written down about it. Maybe you’ll want to hang onto it for a while in case you want to read the story again someday. Give the book a name. You might want to remember it as a tearjerker, a comedy, or a drama, but you’ve finished reading it.
These are just a few of the steps you can take to heal from past relationships. If you’d like to discover 3 ways you need to heal and the #1 thing you can do to start healing, grab a Perfect Partner assessment. It’s my gift to you. You can find it here: