Breakups are awful! Starting something new right away is tempting, but is it really a good idea? Here are 5 reasons you should avoid rebound relationships.
1. You're not over your ex. After our emotions go through the blender of divorce, a lot of us are angry and want to cause our ex pain. Sometimes we try to make our ex jealous because of grief. No matter how good or bad the relationship was, emotionally we’re going to grieve the loss of the familiar. We want that comfort back (even if it’s a case of “the devil you know”), and many people will jump right away to a new partner to entice the ex back, even subconsciously. Your rebound relationship will be doomed to fail because, under the surface, you are confused about your feelings. (Wanting a bad relationship back is conflicting with our sense of self protection!)
2. You haven’t healed emotionally. Going through the emotional blender of divorce can give your self-esteem and self-worth a big hit. A rebound relationship may seem to heal that (“See, you didn’t want me, but I’m still valuable because someone else does!”), but when a relationship is based on less-than-pure emotions - like jealousy and neediness - and not love, it’s doomed to fail.
If we take the time to process the hurt, grief, anger, and sense of betrayal from our old relationship, we not only heal from those wounds, but also become better human beings because of it. There are lessons to be found in every tragedy - and if we focus on learning those lessons before we jump into another relationship, we’re more likely to be successful in having more healthy and loving partnerships.
3. You may develop bad emotional habits. What do you really want from this new relationship? Support? Sympathy? Someone to give you what your ex didn’t? By giving in to those emotions (and not going through the healing process we talked about in #2), we open ourselves up to being dependent on others for our happiness - not to mention that users, losers, and psychic vampires can sniff that out a mile away! Bad emotional habits can follow you into new relationships for years to come - causing even more pain.
4. You might cause yourself unnecessary stress by violating your value system. How would you feel if you found out that someone you’re dating is still hung up on (or trying to punish) their ex? It wouldn’t feel very nice, would it? When we do things that violate who we want to be as a person, we end up causing ourselves a lot of stress, because what we’re doing is at odds with our morals and values. After the stress of a divorce, is that what you want or need right now?.
5. You can put unfair pressure on your new partner. Both parties need to be emotionally available for commitment. Your new partner isn’t going to magically fix everything that’s wrong in your life - or the hurts you’re still feeling from your last relationship. That’s a huge expectation to put on someone new! (Again, ask yourself how you’d feel if the situation was reversed…)
Well then, how does one heal from the past and get started again?
Everyone’s situation is different, but what you say to yourself - which shows what you’re really feeling - could be sabotaging your love life. Watch this video to learn how and what to do about it!
3 Surprising Ways Your Self-Talk is Sabotaging Your Love Life