I frequently say that going through a divorce is like getting hurled into a blender. Not only are emotions raw, but everything familiar in our lives changes.
That causes us to have a grief response to losing the relationship - even if it was a disaster - because it caused a significant, emotional change in our daily existence.
Before we can start again (hopefully this time finding the perfect partner for us), we have to take some time to heal. Here are a few easy things you can do to get started:
1. Learn from the past, plan for the future, but live in the present.
2. Stay positive. Train yourself to do this by using this life mantra: “Something good about right now is...” as often as you can.
3. Change your self-talk. When you find yourself thinking, “I can’t handle this,” “I don’t know what to do,” or, “This is so horrible!” change those statements to, “I’ve handled trouble before, I can do it again,” “I’ll do what I have to do to solve the problem,” or, “This is bad, but I can get through it.” Which leads us to...
4. Be solution oriented. Instead of casting blame, focus on fixing what’s broken, and what needs to be done. When you do, be sure to...
5. Bolster your self-esteem. Give yourself a pat on the back and a round of (silent) applause every time you do something “right” or “good.” Use this life mantra to help: “I’m a bad-ass because…” For example, “I’m a bad-ass because I made it through the supermarket without forgetting anything.” Well done! Pat on the back and a round of applause! “I’m a bad-ass because I got to work without cursing out the other drivers!” Way to go! I’m a bad-ass mom because I gave my little one a hug when they were
upset.” Great job, Mom! Do this for the smallest of “wins,” and you’ll be surprised at how effective this technique is.
We’re training your subconscious to think in a positive way. The life mantras are about real, everyday events. Not only do all those small things add up to one big honkin’ one, your subconscious - that little devil who sits on your shoulder and tells you negative things - can’t argue with something that’s real.
These are only a few of the ways you can process the hurt after a divorce. You won’t be able to find the ideal partner for you if those hurts aren’t processed! To learn more about healing the pain and moving forward, grab a Perfect Partner Assessment. It’s my gift to you. We’ll talk about what needs healing, what’s holding you back from finding your ideal partner, and the #1 thing you can do right now to start moving forward!
Get yours at https://TheQuietZoneCalendar.as.me/ Don’t wait - there are only a few of these appointments available!
Susan Petang is a Certified Life Coach, author of two books, and a happily married mother of 4 who helps other women heal from divorce and find the perfect partner for them.