Are you a “love chameleon”?
That’s what I call it when we constantly seek approval from our partner by changing our beliefs, attitudes, and behavior to please them. (This is one symptom of a codependent relationship.) But don’t we want to please our partner? Here’s why being a people pleaser sabotages romance and is unhealthy:
You’re not being authentic. When we behave differently from our values and beliefs, we create a situation called Cognitive Dissonance. In a nutshell, that’s when our subconscious mind goes to war with our conscious mind because what we’re doing and what we truly believe are at odds with each other. The result is stress.
We create distrust and confusion for our partners. Eventually they may become unsure of how you’ll react, what kind of gifts you’ll like, and what kind of activities you’ll enjoy. It’s frustrating when someone keeps saying, “Whatever you want!”
Down the road, we’ll feel angry and resentful. If our partner’s beliefs and actions don’t match our own, eventually we’ll feel distaste, irritation, and resentment toward them. They won’t really be a good fit, but we were so desperately lonely we adjusted our own standards - and we’ll eventually regret it, and have a contentious break-up.
We’re setting a bad example for our kids when we aren’t authentic. Think about the messages we’re giving the kids. Do you want them to have troubled relationships with people who aren’t really suited for them? You don’t want them to be desperately seeking a partner, do you? Of course not! There is someone who can be the ultimate example of how to have a healthy relationship: You!
These are only a few ways we sabotage our love life and end up attracting psychic vampires, relationship losers, and partners who really aren’t right for us. If you’d like to learn how to find the perfect partner for you, grab a Perfect Partner Assessment with me. We’ll discover 3 ways you’re sabotaging your love life, and the #1 way to get on the path to finding the perfect partner for you! Grab it here: