You’ve heard the phrase: “Fake it 'til you make it.” It means to practice until you master something. Pretend and truth will follow. A wise therapist once told me, “Act as if, and it will come.” Not as fun as “Fake it 'til you make it,” but you get the idea.
So when is it important? Does that mean we’re pretending to be someone we’re not? And what does it have to do with finding your perfect partner? Let’s find out!
#1: When building self confidence.
Wouldn’t it be awesome to wave a magic wand and feel so confident we could do anything? But it doesn’t work that way, does it?
When I’m teaching my clients how to build their self-esteem and self-confidence, I have them use this mantra: “I’m a bad-ass because…”
They might not really feel like a bad-ass at that moment. They might think that saying they’re a bad-ass because they made it to work without cursing out other drivers is silly.
But eventually, their subconscious mind will start hearing - and believing - those statements. We can chant all the affirmations we want, all day long, and they won’t do a damn thing. But when a statement is based on something that really happened… Well, our subconscious can’t argue with that, can it?
When we do that, we’re not pretending to be someone different - just the best of ourselves.
#2: When forgiving others for past hurts.
One of the tools I use to help clients heal from the trauma of past relationships and events - whether they’re related to romance or not - involves remembering and writing down what we want to forgive others for.
Frequently (especially when a divorce was really nasty), the client won’t feel like forgiving. They’ll tell me, “That &$^%* cheated on me/lied to me/was a worthless %&$^*! Why should I forgive him?” I get it! It’s hard to forgive those who have hurt us deeply.
But just like when we’re building our self-confidence, we have to “Fake until we make it.”
Don’t worry about the feeling yet. Write down those things. Try on how it might feel to forgive them.
Ask yourself what benefit you’re getting from not forgiving. Then ask yourself why you think that person might have behaved the way they did. Maybe they never learned how to communicate. Perhaps they suffer from depression, anxiety, or some other disorder. It could be that his parents didn’t get along, so that was the example he saw as a child.
Then try on forgiveness again.
If you don’t forgive, you may drag that resentment into your next relationship. Who wants to have that kind of negativity hanging around? Time to “fake it until you make it.”
#3: When being positive and grateful.
There are days when life sucks.
The dog puked on the rug, you couldn’t find your keys, and your assistant kept hounding you before you even had coffee.
The mantra I give my clients for this is, “Something great about right now is…”
You got it all done, cleaned up, and found those keys. And still made it to the office on time. Ha! You’re a bad-ass.
While you were (finally!) drinking that coffee, you noticed the bird feeder was full of little birds. Their little peeps and cheeps sounded like a song. Amazing, right?
You realize that you picked the most comfortable shoes in your closet. That’s going to help you get through the day - or at least it’ll keep your feet happy!
You might think this is pretty silly. But I promise you that if you fake it until you make it, you’ll train your brain to think positively. It will become easier to stay calm and to find solutions to problems when you’re not being a Negative Nancy. Everything works out in the end, right?
The same principle applies to finding your perfect partner. Ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?” What kind of person do you admire? Who do you aspire to be? Create a picture of her in your head. Then “fake it until you make it.” You’ll feel more confident. You’ll send out subconscious messages that say, “I’m happy, grateful, and confident,” which means you’ll attract happy, grateful, and confident partners.
This is just one brick in the path of finding the ideal partner for you! If you want to discover 3 things that hold you back from finding him, and the #1 thing you can do to move forward, grab my Perfect Partner Assessment! It’s my gift to you. You can get it here: